Discussing a life

I know a man who sometimes has troubled thoughts on his “place” in life, or maybe more correctly, the idea of a “place” in life and whether or not he is in the right one, if there is another one to be in and maybe even if there is any sense of right or wrong in regards to the “how” or “way” that place should be for him. He is a man with great emotion, intelligence and kindness that in my personal opinion sometimes the world, no, mistaken people undervalue for reasons that would seem to me shameful and lacking the positive qualities that he would project out to them.

I recently had one of many discussions with him (via instant messenger) on this topic in a general sense and he has allowed me to openly share our rhetoric with you all. I hope you can recognize the value in this verbal window of time and appreciate the thoughts that are truly sincere and personal being offered open-face to learn from and consume.

This is our discussion: (NOTE: Names edited of course.)

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(Daniel) 4:20
Hi, Kiroto.

Kiroto 4:20
Hey man

(Daniel) 4:21
Today’s my first day of unemployment…..
I’m so tired of battling myself. What is wrong with me??

Kiroto 4:23
Congrats I suppose…it may be less bad than you think. So what’s the next step? Battling yourself?

(Daniel) 4:24
Yeah. I guess I am my own worst enemy.

Kiroto 4:24
You say this because?

(Daniel) 4:25
I am sometimes very self-destructive.

Kiroto 4:25
Still general…are you referring to something specific that you attribute your unemployment to?

(Daniel) 4:28
I can’t seem to understand what causes people to dislike me.

Kiroto 4:28
Are you attributing your unemployment to people disliking you?

(Daniel) 4:31
Two of the five women I worked with hated me and made it their goal to be so miserable that I’d quit or cause me to lose it when they’d push my buttons. Eventually the latter did me in.

Kiroto 4:33
Hmmm. Well, a lot of questions arise from the outside perspective with no knowledge of the dynamics, but is it just that they were hateful people in your opinion? Do you feel that the problem was on both sides of the table or shared in any way? When you “lose it”, if you really think about, what is going through your head to make the decisions that cause your actions?
I ask because, you can be easily liked, but you can also be stubborn as hell and get pretty pissed when you aren’t happy…good news, that goes for most everyone.

(Daniel) 4:36
They did the same to my predecessor but she transferred to another account before they could destroy her.
They refused to sit down and talk about the issues with me.

Kiroto 4:38
Well, if your issue is undocumented as being dealt with properly by HR then you should consider seeking legal action.

(Daniel) 4:38
They never took any info I had the truth.

Kiroto 4:40
How do you find your interaction to go over with people outside of work? Do you have the same issues?

(Daniel) 4:40
They were quietly hostile toward me and even though my other colleagues saw what was happening, they refused to defend me.
I never had any issues with clients or other colleagues.

Kiroto 4:43
Well, you can’t rely on others to support an issue within the work environment, it’s understandable human nature to imagine that they will fear jeopardizing their own job for the sake of what is right or just for another (sad but true and shouldn’t be held against them), as well as, it’s important to manage the situation as best as possible by exercising the options that you can without dependency on others…my opinion of course.
“quietly hostile” is a pretty common thing in the workplace.
It may be a good indicator that not having the job is better than having it.

(Daniel) 4:44
The problem was that these two co-workers havebeen there for 8 & 20 years. My manager simply chose that I was the expendable one.
I’m just tired of others being allowed to control my life.
I understand that managers can do that; but not my co-workers.

Kiroto 4:49
That’s a good point. So, it would seem that without there being issues common outside of these women and with consideration to the fact that you were the last one in, first one out as it were, the issue isn’t with you or yourself as an enemy. It’s a matter of the events that occurred and the way that they played out based on actions of both parties. This is the little ride of life. Coworkers, Managers and even you can do whatever the hell they want. Having expectations of people will create great problems in life and in my opinion is what creates the feeling of lacking control. You feel as though control is lost because you don’t make the choice to engage yourself in taking it. It isn’t meant to be in the sense of a parent berating their kid, but more in my own personal self realization, when I say that a statement like saying that “others control my life” is really me hiding from the true responsibility that my life is mine.
“meant to be in the sense”*
Let others do what they will and I will do as I choose and the timeline shall be my life.

(Daniel) 4:52
If life is going to be that way (it always has been, it seems) then I want out. I want to control my own destiny!

Kiroto 4:52
What do you mean, “going to be that way”?
Choosing to lose it, or to fight back now, or to find a new job and enjoy life are all yours to make, and those choices are the reality of your control. Nobody, very clearly, nobody controls your life but you. They can affect it sure, but ultimately, the choice that you make in any situation is yours.

(Daniel) 4:53
To be that even if I give 1000%, I still may not succeed.

Kiroto 4:54
And that upsets you? Do you believe that if you give 1000% percent you should be provided a guarantee?

(Daniel) 4:55
Not a guarantee but if I fail, I want it to be for a just reason.
I want to thank you for being a “positive” part of my life.
I’m lucky to have known you.

Kiroto 4:59
Welcome to Vegas, we don’t do guarantees. That’s part of what makes life valuable. If everyone knew that just reasoning came from simply trying hard then it would be valueless.
I mean, the Olympic runner that trained day in and day out and couldn’t be beat runs that one special day and for some unexplainable reason can’t win, or the kid that never misses finally does, this is life and it doesn’t come with a refund or warranty.

(Daniel) 5:00
Yes, I guess the saying that “Life isn’t fair” is true.

Kiroto 5:00
Yes my dear Plato, life is not fair. The good thing is that you recognize that as fact… a lotta people are having a really hard time with that one.
But it doesn’t need to be fair either.
Fair may end up being no fun if it existed.
Even more importantly, is the fact that “fair” like so many things is relative, what you think is fair may differ greatly from others,…I mean the darfurian kid with the flies on his face and a limb missing, he probably thinks you have it pretty freaking “fair”.

(Daniel) 5:03
My parents never gave me or even let me see their copy of “A Manual To Life.”

Kiroto 5:03
Poor guy wins the lottery and we call it “fair”, then he gets calls left and right from others begging for a piece and he commits suicide because he says life just wasn’t fair.
Manual doesn’t exist…it’s not a book to be read but an experience to be had.
And “having” the experience is all about being conscious of the moments that it brings you and what you do with them.

(Daniel) 5:05
I know that the vast majority of people probably are worse off than I am but I can only attempt to guide and steer my own life.

Kiroto 5:07
My friend, that “attempt” is the best part about it, it provides you with the excitement of potential and the enjoyment of knowing you were exercising the freedom to choose.
Have fun with it.
Worst thing that happens is you die. That’s why it’s tattooed around my wrist: “Mors Ultima Linea rerum est”

(Daniel) 5:08
translation please….

Kiroto 5:10
Death is the ultimate limit of all things.
My personal meaning : Fuck it, worst thing that happens is I die.

(Daniel) 5:11
Why is it wrong to take your own life?
The late, great George Carlin once said “The ultimate goal in life is finding one’s place in it.
Where’s my place?

Kiroto 5:18
Well, are you asking me? My opinion is that the ethics are situational and extremely personal, situational because I believe that circumstances exist where it may make the most sense either logically, physically or both or otherwise..(eg: a person in extreme pain from out of proportion cancer that will have to endure months more of the situation before their anatomy gives up the fight to survive while the drugs they are on leave them out-of-mind and the situation brings emotional and financial trauma to their loved ones)…I also believe that a person life is theirs and no others, so they can do what they wish with it provided that don’t endanger or intentionally or unintentionally affect the chances for life of another. I do however, have the personal opinion that what most healthy people that seem to be “throwing it away” are doing is lacking the clarity of recognition that life is amazing, even at it’s worst it can be so beautiful and to give up on the experience when it still has time should be something that is well thought out and logically determined. Again, that determination is personal and I leave to the person alone.
In keeping with Carlin : It’s your goal and not one that can be told to you but that you must find, and that’s assuming that there even is this niche thing called a “place”.
It almost seems too limiting to say that a person, a single person has a single place in this vast expanse called life.
too limiting*
Life doesn’t work like musical chairs where it suddenly stops and everyone gets a spot. It is fluid and moving always, your place as it were, changes with the fluidity, the ebb and the flow.

(Daniel) 5:21
All I want to do is to stop the pain.

Kiroto 5:21
That again is the beauty.
That’s your choice my friend.
I would recommend to stop it by starting to enjoy it.
Pain is our view of how life is being experienced by our minds.
We control that experience.
Pain is a choice that we make to place a personal impression on our experience.

(Daniel) 5:22
At least you understand that it is my choice.

Kiroto 5:22
Now we just need you to understand it.

(Daniel) 5:24
I do. I would gladly take my own life if it wouldn’t break my mom’s heart.
I’ve been reading about something in Hinduism called Kali Yuga: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kali_Yuga http://www.hinduism.co.za/kaliyuga.htm

Kiroto 5:29
Interesting comment. I personally think it would be a bad decision in contrast to choosing to find greater enjoyment in life while it’s available to you.

Kiroto 5:33
Talk to you in a bit man..hang in there and take a moment just to think about the things that you like in life, the touch of a blade of grass and the sounds of life beneath it, cool breezes in the shade on summer days, a single toe in the water at the beach, etc..talk to you soon.

(Daniel) 5:34
Your spelling still stinks!

Kiroto 5:34
Keeping you entertained. You can add that to your list.

(Daniel) 5:35
Always!